Life, Death, and all between

So I have been thinking about life death and all between lately. I am thinking most specificity about death and what it will be like to deal with it first hand. The death of a loved one, family or close friend. A hard thing to contemplate. I cant help to think about my own death first. I come to grips with it and I feel that I'm OK with it. I am not scared to take the leap in to death. But what if some one I love jumps in before me? I feel that I have to be ok with it. What I'm scared of is being left behind. It is not knowing if I will ever have a chance to reconnect with the energy of them ever again. That scares me. I love ya'll so much! At least knowing that I could reconnect would make the death process bearable. Detachment. It scares me. In fact I just now realized that I am scared to die. Maybe not. Hard to say. I know this; when it arrives I am sure that I will be able to face it just as all have done before me. With all this thought of life and death I have become particularly aware of a pattern. I keep seeing it in the world. While playing disk golf on Tuesday I noticed a type of lichen. The pattern as seen in the following pic reminded me of neural pathways in the brain.

This got me thinking. I thought about the internet and how the structure of our brain, reflected in the lichen are so similar in from. Again I saw this in the tree's profile against the grey sky and in the way the wind pushes the falling rain clear of the windshield. All around seemingly unrelated energies are connected in a greater context beyond my scope as an individual. This greater realm gives me hope. I realize that when our form of energy changes we will still be within a greater context that I am now starting to get familiar with.

10.29.06 Indiana 3:37 am

Well I saw bush today. Or yesterday. Any way Yip he’s the president. I was surprised that I made it past the background check. But I did and I found my slef in the wolf’s den. Not only that I was in the front. I had a gold ticket as if I was preferred. Now I wan to allude to my reoccurring dreams that I am in bushes inner circle. It these dreams its as if I had been excepted into the family. Or at least I was granted access and invited to participate as if I was in the family. I’m always thinking to my self in these dreams,’ dose he know how much I despise him? Can the secret service read my thoughts with the way I move my eyes? I’m so close I could hurt him. To me that was always a scary thought. So there I was in the front two people back. Then he came out to a huge up roar. The crowd went wild; apparently there were some protesters that were quickly removed by the Indiana state police. Any way there he was standing 15 feet away from me. I was snapping away like crazy as he was scanning the crowd and relishing the applause. Then his eyes feel on me and they stopped.

We stared at each other for it seems like a long time. It was definitely long enough for me to change lenses from a fish eye to a telephoto so I could capture his direct stare. I switched lenses and to my surprise he was still looking at me. I got one good picture out of a long series of him looking right at me. It was almost as if he recognized me and was trying to place me from somewhere. Finally he nodded at me and moved his gaze onward. While he was giving his speech I heard the people around were agreeing with him as if he were a pastor trying to spread the gospel of Jesus to his congregation. Amen, right on, absolutely, you tell em, no way, were all phrases I heard around me. I thought about ho pointless it was for bush to be here. I mean he was just preaching to the quire. Its not like he was gaining votes just making an appearance to the mindless Americans who stand for traditional American values, anti abortion, lower taxes for deficit spending, anti same sex marriages, and pro war mongers. I thought that If I were ever in his position I would try and go to the crowds of people who didn’t agree with me so we could talk about our differences an try to come to a common agreement that we are all different and that’s ok but what is important is that we all work hard to be tolerant and work toward a better more unified collective. If I were in his position I would want the most brilliant mind to advise me regardless of party lines. IF that were not the case as it is with bush I would be scared of what I would do with all that power and no one encouraging me to think of it from a different perspective. Commonsense to me. I think we should end parties. And have individuals run for what they believe in their heart.
Digging post and the bar in Louisville.

10.28.06 Indiana

Well no bush but I did have a dream that amber moved out. Interestingly enough I felt as if we were both really cool wit it. In the afternoon I set off to see her. I started off in my car until I got a $44.00 ticket. So then I transferred to foot and walked past a cop who was helping people around a blocking fence with out helping them. Shortly after that the sun came up in the afternoon and I found a bike to ride. But the going was still slow. For some reason I just couldn’t ride a bike for shit. As I was going I stopped at an ice cream shop. I went in and all the flavors were green with some type of berry or chocolate mixed in. then I set off again ad I was almost to the Ross island bridge. From there I was going to take a left and head east to her house/ apartment but then I got woke up to go see bush.

10.27.06 Indiana

Well the St. Louis cardinals won today. I only mention it because my next-door neighbor just moved out here from St. Louis. On Saturday I wanted to invite him out to a party but I knew he would be caught up in the game. So I turned it on to see where the game was. Well I got sucked in. Now that I’m in Indiana My mom and Ron are big into republican politics. I was already half way on the train so I went for the ride. And they won! I dint dream about bush last night. Instead I had a great dream staring Jay Lenno and Mel Gibson. I was at Sam’s (Wal-Mart’s east cost answer to Costco) And I was wondering around. Looking at this and that when Jay Lenno came up to me and handed me a ticket to get a free surprise. So like a good Jew I went to the front of the store to claim my surprise. As I was standing there I there waiting for my free giveaway I started talking to a blond haired kid. We quickly got to talking about photography. Then Mel Gibson cut in between us and started talking to his blond haired son. AS I realized it was Mel I started to get nervous due to his fame. Then I remembered his remarks about Jews. I realized I didn’t have a thing to prove to this “asshole” But he turned to me and asked me about cameras. So I started talking the talk I as I do at work. Needless I was I’m sure I impressed him. At the end of our somewhat interesting conversation I gave him my personal card and told him I could help him get a camera. He looked at the card closely and seemed, shall I say impressed? Any way as he was leaving me I told him I could give his son lessons. Thinking I would definitely charge a grip of cash from him. Then I though forward to the moment he found out I was a Jew. Then I turned to the clerk to retrieve my prize. The clerk was impressed with how I handled my self. I told him it was because I was Jewish. Then I picked out the biggest badass toy car to give to my son. The toy car was the free prize. Tomorrow I go to the other side. It will be great to see the wolf in his lair. I like to think of it as a chance to see the future and maybe even learn a little about the roll I will play in it. Now Kim sure it time to join bush in my dreams.

10.26.06 Indiana

Today I find my self in Indiana Henryville to be exact. SO it seems I may have a chance to go see bush speak at a GOP victory rally. How ironic. I really can’t stand the guy but hell it’s a great opportunity. Not only will I get to meet the president but I will get to meet the worse president maybe in history or at least since Nixon. I would love to some haw make a statement at the rally but I cant disrespect my mom and the inviting host. So I just hope to get some images I can use for my self. I would just love to get a picture of him my shaking my hand. I Love the picture of him shaking Gabes hand. Once again how ironic. Well now that I have been up for two days straight I think I must retire to my dreams. Maybe I will have one of my reoccurring dreams that I’m in bushes inner circle. You know in one of those dreams I felt as if I was in the mid west somewhere.

Sitting at home

I'm sitting here Saturday morning on the edge of my bed listening to NPR. All I hear is the talk about the elevated political climate just three days before election day. I hear clips from Bush's political speeches cut with reporter narration. Then they give both sides responses but for the most part it is a liberal view. They report of Bush's appearance in republican stronghold. I was there and witnessed one of these rallies first hand. The excerpts take me right back. Its nice to think that I was there first hand witnessing this with my own eyes and five senses. Its not just a abstract reflection or a news story. A connection like this not only on a national scale but also a world scale. This is a new experience for me. I like it. It feels nice to be physical connected to history as it reveals it's self.