Grief & Hope

Times like these are hard. I get brief distractions from the reality that is my life. I know every moment of my life is reality but I am speaking of the hard reality. I can’t imagine a world with out my father, yet now I'm living in one. Every thing is surreal. I know the world moves on and so will I. Yet deep down in my heart I feel excited for the future. It pains me to commit these words to text because a large part of me wants to feel pity for my self give the circumstances. Still I know its ok to feel grief in these times. When I mourn my dad I think about all the people he affected with his life. Then I start to think of all the people I have in my life. I can’t tell you how many phone calls and messages I have received in the last week. As friends near and far find out the news they all reach out to me with their love and compassion. Even friends only a week old embrace me with a love so pure that it fills my soul with hope. It is this undeniable love that fills my soul and sets me free. Hope is the direction towards which we all move. It is this understanding of love that feels me with joy.

Twenty nine years later

Today is my birthday. Yesterday my dad died. The date is 10/25/2007. A little over 29 years ago my dad watched is last son be born and at just under 29 he returned to source from with I was born. Like every other birthday the weather today is beautiful. We picked out his plot today. We picked a spot on the edge with 3 trees around him and to his left will lay Cathy. I love my father and I will miss him. I hate to see the sun go down because with each passing day his touch, his feel, his words become more distant. It is sad to think that every word and emotional exchange has been said and experienced. I can’t go back.